Quickies

One sperm says to the other, "How far is it to the ovaries?"
The other one says, "Relax. We just passed the tonsils."

Q: What is a man's idea of protected sex?
A: A padded headboard

Q: What do a clitoris, an anniversary and a toilet have in common?
A: Men usually miss them.

Q: How can you tell if your wife is dead?
A: The sex is the same, but the dishes pile up.

Q: How can you tell if your husband is dead?
A: The sex is the same, but you get the remote.

Q: What do men and tile floors have in common?
A: If you lay them well, you can walk on them for years.

HIM: "I'd really like to get into your pants."
HER: "No thanks. There's already one asshole in there."

HIM: "Why can't I tell when you have an orgasm?"
HER: "Because you're never home when it happens."

Q: Why does it take 100 million sperm to fertilize one egg?
A: Because they won't stop to ask directions.

The three words most hated by men during sex: "Are you done? "
Three words women hate to hear when having sex: "Honey, I'm home!"

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